On the weekend of the iconic Reading Festival, The Mic president, Jake Longhurst, was joined by his brother, Sam Longhurst, to talk to a multitude of artists, from all sorts of different genres. They asked two key questions, the first of which has already been published here on The Mic (Reading Festival Curates a Supergroup); whilst the second of which is arguably more serious and more important: if the artists at Reading Festival lived in a world where everyone was a human biscuit, what biscuit would they be? Read on to discover the answers everyone gave to this truly philosophical question.
Joy Valence & Brae
As an American duo, the two were initially confused by the meaning of biscuit, so originally Joey Valence chose a Red Lobster biscuit. But after clarifying we meant the proper definition of biscuit (i.e. the British definition) he changed his answer to a chewy Chips Ahoy cookie, and Brae chose a cookie that isn’t so popular in the UK, a girl scout Samoa cookie.
bbno$
Mr No Money chose a rather sophisticated (yes, that is the name of his new single) biscuit for this feature - going with an almond financier. It comes with the added layer that he is gluten-free, as are lots of almond financiers, so a very in-depth answer from him.
Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes
Deano started a trend off, being the first of a few people to select the almighty chocolate hobnob as his biscuit of choice, with its delicious chocolate coating and durability being key markers of a popular biscuit to live as. Frank had a very self-explanatory choice however, saying that I already knew what he would choose, and so without hesitation, everyone realised that yes Frank would absolutely be a gingernut if he was a biscuit.
As It Is
We only talked to Patty Walters from As It Is, and so only got one biscuit from the band, however it was a great choice. We got our second hobnob of the article, albeit this time without the chocolate coating, so a slight difference from Deano’s answer previously, but still featuring the durability that seems so desirable.
Witch Fever
Talking again to Alisha from Witch Fever, she first chose a custard cream as her answer as she loves them, but then decided to change to a party ring as she feels it better encapsulates her vibe and energy, and I have to say I think it was a great decision. Also, good choice of biscuit anyway, party rings deserve more love.
BILK
Sol went first for this, choosing a bourbon, followed by Luke choosing a milk chocolate digestive which is again in the same vein as a chocolate hobnob, albeit I would argue with less durability. Harry went last, and thought he would be a jammy dodger, which the other two heartily agreed with.
Kid Kapichi
Frontman Jack started off with the trendy chocolate hobnob, followed by Ben who chose a somewhat debatable biscuit-or-not two-finger Kit Kat, for reasons that I am unable to disclose. George went straight for a jammy dodger, making that two bands in a row with a jammy dodger involved, and then drummer Eddie was no-nonsense and chose the elegant and delicious shortbread to round the band's flavour palette out rather nicely.
WARGASM
Milkie Way was in quick on this one, with the best answer of the whole weekend by far. Her choice of biscuit, a custard cream, was motivated entirely by the fact that she, much like the custard cream itself, ‘is filled with cream’, which is one of the best pieces of audio I have ever recorded. Sam Matlock went very on-brand with his choice, going for a ‘plain horrible cracker’ because he feels he is also plain and horrible.
Crawlers
The band started with Amy, who chose another chocolate digestive, with Liv choosing straight after her and initially going for a custard cream, albeit not for the same reason as Milkie above. However, she changed her mind later to an M&S s’mores cookie, which her mum used to buy her as a treat that she still thinks are the best cookies ever. Holly went for the plant-based cookies from Subway, which is an underrated choice here it must be said, and finally Harry chose an all-time classic, going for an Oreo.
Bastille
In our brief conversation with Bastille, we only had time to take answers, not answer further questions ourselves, so when Chris chose a Tunnocks caramel wafer bar and Kyle chose a wagon wheel we just let it slide. Dan and Will were more conventional however, selecting a custard cream and hobnob respectively.
M’Way
M’Way liked to keep it short and sharp here, and took a second to think about his answer before landing on a chocolate bourbon, our second bourbon of the weekend but our last biscuit of the article!
That’s all for this fun little feature, but with any luck, it won’t be the last time you see ‘What Biscuit Are You?’!
Jake Longhurst
Edited by: Roxann Yus
Cover image and in-article images courtesy of Facebook.
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